straight from the heart

ok... this is getting old.. really old nah.. i keep telling myself its gone, its over, everything has changed. yes, i know that but i just cant help it if it will just crawl its way into my mind and my heart...

a few days back, i made a decision. its about my life and how i should get on with it and just leave everything that happened.  "forgedduboutitt" as they said.. yeah yeah yeah. easy for you guys to say. but yes, ive made a conclusion and i said to myself that it has got to stop. so i did.. and wouldnt you know it.. Mr.Panahon played his dirty tricks on me.. i have not even reached the 24hours leeway time for me and there he goes.. a "darkling" (an omen or some kinda sign) appeared to me in the form of a message.. one message and its enough to shatter my resolve and im back to square one. haaay..

another thing is when you finally decide that its ok, everythings fine with you, you see something (or someone) and you realize that youre only fooling yourself..!!! (note to everyone: change the "yourself" to "myself" and the "you" to "me" or "i" please)

life has its way of giving you crap and when you try to lift yourself up from all that shit, it just flushes you down further..

im trying hard to get rid of all these rotten feelings in my head and heart and body to start my next year right. its what i do every end of the year. but somehow i could not get it all out and theres still  some of it left.

hows a girl ever gona get outa this?? im stuggling to reach the level of immunity that someone has reached and everytime i take one step forward, something comes up that'll make me slide down two steps back..

i need help.. i admit it.. please give me happy pills, chillax capsules or whatever it is that you think can help me.. maybe see a shrink???

POST SCRIPT:

when the person you love doesnt even care about you, what are you supposed to do?? let go? live on? love n silence?

i think the best way would be to let go, live on and love in silence all at once.

at least theres no resentment and no regrets..

i let go for the both of us 2 grow. who knows? maybe in the future?

i live on  for i also have my own life.

and i will continue to love in silence, for in silence no one can own him but me.

Comments

[Tara]

go girl! lifes full of shit and ironies. and it taunts us everytime we think we're brave or strong enough. it's up to us not to make it get the better of us. its hard..its freaking hard, and i may even be eating my words sometimes when i suddenly break down and cry.. but doesn't mean i would stop trying to get better footing. try again and again..coz sooner or later lifes gonna give us something sugar coated after all this shit.